An Interview with the Final Fantasy 7 Cast!
by throatwobblermangrove
Summary: My first Fanfic, so please be gentle with the reviews. (Finally, a story with nice grammar AND a capital in the start of a sentence!)


Final Fantasy VII: THE TRUTH BEHIND THOSE HEROES  
  
Well, folks, you've heard correct. Today, I, Pedro Ezcurra, will be interviewing the main characters from Final Fantasy VII. CLOUD'S STORY:  
  
Pedro: Hello Cloud Strife, how are you?  
  
Cloud: (staring at backstage donuts)  
  
Pedro: Cloud?  
  
Cloud: Oh, oh, h- hi. Ummm, are those donuts?  
  
Pedro: (looking backstage) why, yes. But you'll get some later, after the show.  
  
Cloud: CLOUD WANT DONUTS NOW!!! HE HUNGRY!!!  
  
Pedro: Hey, HEY! Get him some donuts. There. Happy?  
  
Cloud: (mouth stuffed) yeah, thidz ur grzeat! (gulps them down) So, what am I doing here?  
  
Pedro: Interview. ring a bell?  
  
Cloud: Oh, yeah, right! Well, what do you wish to know?  
  
Pedro: Ok, to start off, we're dying to know. Who is your favorite? Aeris, Tifa, or Yuffie?  
  
Cloud: Well, I like Tifa, and Aeris. but Yuffie, well, nope.  
  
Yuffie: (from backstage) well, who's got the materia, you bum!?  
  
Cloud: Chicks, they go crazy for me.  
  
Pedro: (under his breath) whatever.  
  
Cloud: So, I guess, I like Tifa, and I liked Aeris. Wait a minute- "liked"?! That's past tense! Oh my gosh! Aeris is dead!!! It's all coming back now!  
  
Pedro: (still under his breath) dhuy!  
  
Cloud: Don't worry, Aeris! I'm coming!!! (runs off the set, into nowhere.)  
  
BARRET'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Hi, Barret!  
  
Barret: Hey.  
  
Pedro: So, come on, tell us. Who is your favorite? Who did you get along with the most?  
  
Barret: Ummm, Red, I guess.  
  
Red XIII: (also from backstage) really?!?!  
  
Pedro: Hey, hey, HEY! You'll get your turn to speak! Eat donuts like your friend meanwhile!  
  
Barret: Any more questions? I gotta go.  
  
Pedro: Where?  
  
Barret No, I gotta go- like in. (points head towards bathroom)  
  
Pedro: OH! Ok. We'll be back after this commercial break.  
  
Is your back hairy?  
  
Pedro: Ok, wrong commercial!!! Geez! Oh, well, Barret's back anyway. So, that whole "first-visit-to-Gold-Saucer" issue, what was that?  
  
Barret: Dyne, you mean?  
  
Pedro: Yeah.  
  
Barret: Well, here's the true story. SqareSoft changed it to make me look less violent. But the truth is. Dyne and I started a circus. In one of the acts, I would do 50 jumping-jacks and he would shoot bullets around me, missing all 50 times. Well, one time he didn't miss, and in my anger I did the same thing to him, but in his left arm, (Dyne was left-handed). Then we both got guns grafted instead, and promised to have a shootout the next time we saw each other. Heh-heh. I warned him I would win, but he didn't listen. Heh-heh.  
  
Pedro: How. touching.  
  
Barret: Dyne was funny.  
  
Pedro: Ooook, sure, buddy.  
  
Barret: I'm not your buddy! Dyne was my buddy!  
  
Pedro: Get him out of here.  
  
TIFA'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Hello, Tifa. Welcome to the show.  
  
Tifa: Thank you.  
  
Pedro: So. what is your favorite type of chocobo?  
  
Tifa: The ones that go "Kweh" when you pat them on the head.  
  
AUDIENCE: AWWWWW.  
  
Pedro: Good. What is your favorite materia?  
  
Tifa: Restore.  
  
Pedro: Restore? Why is that?  
  
Tifa: Because I like to tease Cloud when his HP is yellow.  
  
Pedro: (laughing). Well, that brings me up to my next subject. How did you feel about Cloud?  
  
Tifa: I hated his guts. I was just acting it all out for the money.  
  
Cloud: (probably in the Ancient City by then) HOW COULD YOU?!?!  
  
Tifa: Whatever.  
  
Pedro: But then the question is; whatever happened to "childhood friends"?  
  
Tifa: YUCK! He was a total nerd! You know, (putting chewing gum in her mouth) I almost felt sorry for the guy. I me- mea- cho- ch- choking!  
  
Pedro: Hey! She's choking here!  
  
(security guy comes and helps)  
  
Pedro: There. What were you saying?  
  
Tifa: (helping herself back up) I mean, geez! He actually had the nerve to come up to my door. And then he says: "A-duhy. I'm gonna become a first class SOLDIER-duhy. I'm stupid, duhy!"  
  
Pedro: (once again laughs) Well, thank you for the interview, Tifa.  
  
Tifa: You're welcome. I'm Cloud, I'm stupid. Donuts, donuts donuts.  
  
AERIS' STORY  
  
Pedro: That's right. We took the pleasure of using revive materia to revive Aeris. Simple combination, duhy.  
  
Cloud: (from inside City of Ancients) Hellooo? Aeris?  
  
Pedro: So, Aeris Gh- Graing- How do you say your last name?  
  
Aeris: I dunno  
  
Pedro: Ok. Many questions. One of them in particular. Why the pink dress?  
  
Aeris: It shows the true me.  
  
Pedro: That's all the time we have today, bye.  
  
RED XIII'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Red XIII. or do you prefer Nanaki?  
  
Red/Nanaki: No, that's a sissy name.  
  
Pedro: Ok, as long as you prefer Red. So, how did it feel to be only one not human there?  
  
Red: Excuse me, but Vincent is a Vampire, Aeris a Cetra, Cait Sith a stuffed animal, and I don't know what Cloud is but he's not human, I can tell you that much.  
  
Pedro: Ok, well then how does it feel to be the shortest one?  
  
Red: Not a happy feeling.  
  
Pedro: Right. And what about that Seto story?  
  
Red: I am son of Seto, and I fear nothing.  
  
Pedro: That's funny! Because I am son of Exequiel, and he has a Ph.D.! We both have a Father-Saying!  
  
Red: . .. How'd you get this job anyway?  
  
Pedro: Internet!  
  
Red: Ok.  
  
YUFFIE'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Yuffie, Yuffie, Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: I understood the first time.  
  
Pedro: So you are a materia hunter, correct?  
  
Yuffie: Yeah. I got magic materia, command materia, support materia, and summon materia!  
  
Pedro: Nice. Say. could I have that Knights of the Rou- OWWWW!  
  
Yuffie: (using ninja skills on Pedro) this Knights Of Round Materia is not for sale!  
  
Pedro: (laughs nervously while at the same time wanting to throw her offstage) But what about the time you stole the materia from the others?  
  
Yuffie: (laughing) Yeah, and they were stupid enough to believe that I was sorry!  
  
Pedro: Right. well, what about Cloud?  
  
Yuffie: What about Cloud?  
  
Pedro: Did you like him?  
  
Yuffie: EWWWW!!! NO WAY!!! HE YUCKY!!!  
  
Pedro: I think we all agree on that.  
  
CAIT SITH'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Cait Sith, hello.  
  
Cait Sith: Hi.  
  
Pedro: So you actually were working for SHINRA, were you not?  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah. I guess.  
  
Pedro: Hah! SPY! SPY! I win! You loose! SPY!  
  
Cait Sith: They told me I wouldn't have to talk about that subject over the phone!  
  
Pedro: Oh, right. Sorry. Now, many people have said that. well, that your fighting is more. how should I put this. animated. What do you think?  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, well, I was supposed to be the bigger attraction for the younger ones.  
  
Pedro: Younger as in.?  
  
Cait Sith: You know, FF VII is rated T, so for the ones that were 10-12, you know.  
  
Pedro: Yes. And why a stuffed Mog?  
  
Cait Sith: Well, the character of Cait Sith worked all his life in the Gold Saucer, so a Mog was just right.  
  
Pedro: Sure. Now, about your gambling with Limit Breaks. Why?  
  
Cait Sith: It's my life.  
  
Pedro: Right. well, a pleasure meeting you.  
  
Cait Sith: What? That's it?!  
  
Pedro: Hey, it's better than Miss. Revived over there.  
  
Cait Sith: (staring down) Ok.  
  
VINCENT'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Um, hi Vincent.  
  
Vincent: Hello.  
  
Pedro: Ha, heh, um, well, um, could you, um, ah, eh, put that handgun down, please?  
  
Vincent: Certainly. (puts it down)  
  
Pedro: So, um, why Vincent Valentine?  
  
Vincent: For Luciera.  
  
Pedro: For Luciera?  
  
Vincent: Why? Do you have a better explanation?  
  
Pedro: No sir.  
  
Vincent: Sir?  
  
Pedro: Ah! No, you're not a sir! Wait, um, heh, well, I mean-  
  
Vincent: Do not worry. I believe in punishing only the ones who deserve it.  
  
Pedro: (gulp) Of course. well, how do you feel about what Hojo did to you?  
  
Vincent: I feel sorry for him.  
  
Pedro: For him?  
  
Hojo: (suddenly appears with the use of modern technology) For me? You feel  
  
sorry for me? How can you feel sorry for me?  
  
Vincent: For all the lives you've destroyed. including your own.  
  
Hojo: I have Luciera! You can't do anything about that! She loved me! You were but a pathetic Turk! (disappears)  
  
Vincent: Hojo turned me into this. into a freak. But his experiments backfired. I am stronger than him. in many ways.  
  
Pedro: If you don't mind me asking, what do Turks get paid for, anyway?  
  
Vincent: Killing people, I guess.  
  
CID'S STORY  
  
Pedro: Cid Highwind, first man in space. How did that feel?  
  
Cid: Great, I guess. Except that Cloud was there, tagging along. Typical of him. I mean, geez. Cid Highwind's time to shine, but nooooo, Cloud HAS to be there. Because Cloud is the "leader" blah blah, Cloud is the "mature one" blah blah.  
  
Pedro: Sure Cid. Another popular question here is how did it feel to be the last one to join?  
  
Cid: Well, you know, it was hard at first to fit in, but when I gave them the Highwind, they treated me like royalty.  
  
Pedro: I can tell. Well, did you miss Aeris when she died?  
  
Cid: Sure. She was really kind to me, sort of like a sister to me, actually.  
  
Aeris: (from backstage) I hated you!  
  
Cid: Well, um, her mind must still be kind of blurry from that hit Sephroth gave her.  
  
Aeirs (running into stage and choking Cid) I'll show you blurry!  
  
(security tries to get Aeris off Cid but she kicks their butt)  
  
Pedro: Hey! HEY! You're killing Cid, Aeris!  
  
Aeris: (stands up and stares Pedro right in the eye) You! YOU! YOU! YOU! You gave me the shortest interview! What am I, a flower girl?  
  
Pedro: Yes you are.  
  
Aeris: Don't interrupt me! (security sneaks up and gets a hold of Aeris)  
  
WELL, THAT'S ALL WE HAVE FOR FINAL FANTASY VII. YEAH, RIGHT! STAY TUNED FOR EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS OF FINAL FANTASY VII, FOLOWED BY ALL THE INTERVIEWS OF FINAL FANTASY IX AFTER THESE COMMERCIAL BREAKS.  
  
Is your back hairy?  
  
Pedro: What's with that commercial? (staff whispers in Pedro's ear) OUR SPONSOR! THAT'S OUR SPONSOR?!?!  
  
Pedro: We're back. Now, "who would be a better person to interview than Sephiroth?", we asked ourselves, and came up with one conclusion: no one! So here he is, the real Sephiroth no-last-name!  
  
SEPHIROTH'S STORY  
  
Sephy: Hello. A pleasure to be here.  
  
Pedro: Hi. So, here's an interesting question. Why Aeris? Why not Cloud?  
  
Sephy: Actually, what most people don't know is that I was aiming for Cloud. But I started loosing my balance, and decided Aeris would break my fall. Although I felt quite disappointed in myself afterwards.  
  
Pedro: I'm sure you did. Now something else here is that both you and Aeris have two locks of hair that pop out, then curve down. Is that just a coincidence?  
  
Sephy: No. It is something that Cetras did to their children when they were born; it represented their intelligence.  
  
Pedro: Right. another thing is that Cloud really did kill the real you. no offense, but you're just a clone of the real Sephiroth, right?  
  
Sephy: Yes.  
  
Pedro: Right.  
  
PRESIDENT SHINRA & SON'S STORY.  
  
Pedro: Wow. To have President Shinra and Ruffs here; who would have thought?  
  
P. Shinra: Before any questions are asked, I would like to tell the world that Mako Energy is good.  
  
Ruffs: Yes. And those if anyone knows anything about the terrorist group AVALANCHE, please report it to 1-800-NO CRIME.  
  
Pedro: That is what I wanted to talk to you about. Is SHINRA the same on the inside than on the outside?  
  
Ruffs: Sure it is. We even made a potion that relaxes you. Here. Try it. Pedro: (reads label saying: SHINRA RELAXING POTION Pedro rips label off to read the real label: MAKO ENERGY shakes bottle and throws at Ruffs)  
  
Ruffs: Hey! That's not funny! Now it's gonna explode! (throws at President Shinra)  
  
P. Shinra: Don't throw it at m- (bottle explodes and ambulance carries President Shinra out)  
  
Ruffs: Hm. It was bound to happen, anyway.  
  
The End. I know it sucks, but hey! It's my first one! Reviews are greatly appreciated. (THAT'S RIGHT, YOU BLEEDIN' STUPID GIT! IT'D BE NICE IF YOU REVIEWED WHAT I WROTE!!!) Flames openly welcome. P.S. I do not own any Final Fantasy characters, in fact, I don't own a thing except for half of a sammich. -Pedro Ezcurra, throatwobbler_mangrove13@yahoo.com 


End file.
